Friday, June 17, 2011

20 Questions

I swear @nkirdizzle put me up to this. Yes she did. Oh she is right, we all need to ask ourselves this questions because she is the Bomb dot Com.

What did I learn last week?

· That dreams come true. To dream without fear or restrictions.

· That delayed gratification is better than anything instant.

· To fight evil with good. Not to stoop to evil’s level, slinging shit around. To be the bigger man.

· To trust and love but think independently.

· That if a guy likes you; he will do anything to find and be with you.

· That if it was meant to be it will be, just do your best to be there when it does.

· That a game without rules isn’t a game and it ain’t any fun!

What was my greatest accomplishment over the past week?

· Finally meeting Ike (The big Kahuna) and having a rather “successful” meeting with several outcomes and way forwards.

Which moment from last week was the most memorable, and why?

· Obviously having the meeting with Ike. Boy that was something J I wasn’t even a second late. I was well-dressed, polite and composed… but mostly on the outside. Nervous smitten thoughtless wreck inside.

What is the 1 thing I need to accomplish this week?

· To stop dreaming about Ike every second of every minute of the friggin’ day! I am losing my mind over this charming.

What can I do right now to make the week less stressful?

· Focus on things that can get the damn HAWT guy out of my dreams and into my life… I mean just need him out of my head so I can actually get things done. I have real responsibilities you see; work, school, a life, bills, motorbikes and dining tables to buy. I almost forgot to tell you… I went window shopping for…. Wait for it…. A MOTORBIKE!! Boy did I see things that made me want to rob a bank, immediately! Then as if fate was actually urging me on, I bumped into my future dining table.

What have I struggled with in the past that might also affect the upcoming week?

· Only Jill Scott knows what I am going though right now, “I can’t eat, I can’t sleep anymore… waiting for love to walk through the door, I wish I didn’t miss you anymore!.. More like I need the old me back; I don’t need this right now, not when I have so many important things going on. Don’t get me wrong I want to free fall and spin out of control but after the music is over someone will be needed to spin back into control, you haven’t the slightest idea how hard that can be.

What was last week’s biggest time sink?

· Stalking Ike on facebook… his photo, I am afraid is my screen saver J I nearly put it as my profile pic J but self restraint won’t let me.

Am I carrying excess baggage into the week that can be dropped?

· Huh? Did I mention how much I like Ike’s eyes, they are narrow, warm, soft, trusting, those that see through into my soul. We could just sit there and stare at each other all day long and I would have a great day still. Wah! Let’s not go the melting smile… where were we?

What have I been avoiding that needs to get done?

· This report, that report, this and that report, the then report, that planning session, those budgets, that trip home, the blogs, the follow up on pending promises… that lunch, those drinks, those job/ school applications and most importantly a Safari. (After much consideration, the SAFARI yanks top position on the priority list… that way everything else will get done, gotta take care of the body.)

What opportunities are still on the table?

· IKE!!! Tim is definitely off limits; we are not even discussing Andrew, Leonardo that is a subject I am always ready to put on the table and devour… wait a minute, what kind of opportunities are we referring to?

· There’s training opportunities all over- definitely taking advantage of those, opportunities to meet new people with great ideas, opportunities with the razor-sharp @justdes, opportunities to travel… hopefully see the world with Ike… I doubt I would see anything with his flyness beside me.

Is there anyone I’ve been meaning to talk to?

· I took things a little too far with Valentino, I was a total jerk, ruined everything with my unruly ambition to write a valentine story… oh well, spilt milk. Moving on, c’est la vie. After all, I did call to apologize and felt a lot better but then I guess that will be a no go zone for quite some time. However, V did teach me something important: Commit to commitment!

Is there anyone that deserves a big thank you?

· Yeah that, big time… dude threw me a life line! Problem is my ego is too inflated to let me… but I will do it once I go on Safari, I am a lot reasonable when out seeing the world.

How can I help someone else this coming week?

· I’m helping reverse the effects of climate change, trying even harder to find the cures for preventable blindness and trying to create a literate society. Enough said.

What are my top 3 goals for the next 3 years?

· Get married to Ike. Hilarious I know… yeah go laugh somewhere else. I am ready for love. Travel the world with Ike. Honestly, I just want to work with Ike. Learn from him. Learn with him. Have babies with him... if only they would have his eyes.

· Win the lottery. (I am targeting the Utahama Lini? promo by Nation newspaper)

· Do only the things I am passionate about.

Have any of my recent actions led me to closer to my goals?

· Did I not meet the man of my dreams? Am I not sending out the Nation house cut outs? Am I not fighting climate change?

What is the next step for each goal?

· Work hard, be brilliant, till Ike thinks, I want a wife like her!! “Now that is the mother of my children” “This hardworking sharp woman sitting right across me is my life companion” …I can literally visualize him proposing in the middle of a board meeting. “Babes, without you, saving the world is meaningless, will you forever save the world with me?” I hear him say, ring in hand atop the conference table. I being the lady, would tear up and sniff as many yeses as we need to stop climate change J and we would live happily ever after in conferences world over proposing environmentally friendly policies.

· Keep buying Nation newspaper.

· Keep saving the world with Ike, because they are both my passions.

What am I looking forward to during the upcoming week?

A date with Ike; apple pie with Ice-cream his favourites.

What are my fears?

· That life will not let me escape unscathed, that life will let me be scarred by relationships, that life will rob me of my infinite beauty, rape my innocence, fill me with bitterness and sorrow, turn me into a pessimist, corrupt the purity of my love, that life will milk the life in me dry.

What am I most grateful for?

· The gift of love, passion, compassion, trust, fidelity, loyalty, morals and ethics, laughter, humility and grace. Things both Ike and I posses and value.

If I knew I only had one week to live, who would I spend my time with?

Ike! Touring the world, making it a much better place.

Thursday, May 12, 2011

I have loved, a worthy lover!

When love is not madness, it is not love. ~Pedro Calderon de la Barca

I recently bumped into one of my favourite poets from the 19th century (Where?? on the streets stupid) and she defined love in a way I hadn't understood before:

Unless you can think, when the song is done,
No other is soft in the rhythm;
Unless you can feel, when left by One,
That all men else go with him;
Unless you can know, when unpraised by his breath,
That your beauty itself wants proving;
Unless you can swear "For life, for death!" -
Oh, fear to call it loving!

Unless you can muse in a crowd all day
On the absent face that fixed you;
Unless you can love, as the angels may,
With the breadth of heaven betwixt you;
Unless you can dream that his faith is fast,
Through behoving and unbehoving;
Unless you can die when the dream is past -
Oh, never call it loving!

Elizabeth Barrett Browning

This judicious definition took me back 4 months ago when I was so distraught over the loss of a man I had grown to call 'distant-lover'

Within me I search words to describe him by
But all I manage, is to cry

I go about my life as though he never existed
Though deep within, he never exited

I never loved another or 'felt' loved by another
so in sync as; he and I together

I will outgrow this someday, to myself I think
But no denying that I am weak

I will need the universe in its entirety at my aid
For I am and always will be afraid

To love, have, give, only to lose, hurt and pain
Unless it is him, that I fall for again

It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. With this I am content.

Friday, March 4, 2011

Golf Vs Rugby: Fortuitous Rendezvous II

Seated beside my date; bored to tears watching other people dance, Leo walked into the hostelry alone looking sizzling hot and not to mention lost (without me I like to think). I spotted him immediately, lit up like a fireball from hell and sprung to my feet to make sure I didn’t lose him.

He hadn't spotted me and I wasn’t about to wait for him to find me in the throng of half-clad ladies-of-the-town flinging themselves at him, so I quickly asked to introduce my date to “some guy” (yeah right!!). Alas, they know each other. “Of course they know each other, bloody little neighbourhood!”, I cursed out loud. Expectedly they sat together, displacing me and started to chat the night away like little school boys, meanwhile I couldn't take my eyes off Leo’s brawny build.

My date was an estimable character; a together young man, lucid and if I may add, a teetotaler- exactly the advert I would put up for a hubby and father of my children. Nevertheless, with a body blazing with undisclosed desires; a sturdy rugby player is the only promising fire-fighter in the room not a golfer with his gentle manners and gloves in tow. Sorry golfers, just saying it like it is (forget Tiger Woods, that is on a whole new level).

As time passed the golfer was getting uncomfortable with the explicit banter between us and like the gentleman he is decided to give us some room, excused himself and started towards the gents. I wanted to stop the madness but I couldn’t; I was utterly helpless and Leo was clearly determined to ruin it for me, not that I minded much. Instead of fighting a war I knew I wouldn’t win, I involuntarily resolved to take pleasure in every fraction of every second he was gazing into my eyes, talking to me, smiling with me and being all jealous.

At that point I had moved seats; I was kissing his clean shaven head (half-bald), playfully teasing him as I whispered into his ear. I was enjoying it so much that I didn’t care my date was a little (a lot) pissed and ready to leave. I didn’t care that we might not take our vacation to Egypt as planned and I didn’t care that I would have a lot of explaining to do… ALL I CARED WAS LEO and that he was motioning to me to plant a kiss on his cheek as my date helped me into my coat.

I would have kissed him anywhere and everywhere without his asking, except that was neither the place nor the time. I would have stayed behind and enjoyed the evening some more, but too much of Leo is without a doubt the death of me. I would have let my date leave without me, except for that night he was my date. I would have stayed and put out Leo’s fire, but my house was an inferno.

I couldn’t have let my date drive me home because he would have asked what that was about and I am sure I wouldn’t have had the correct answers for him. I needed to demystify it to myself first. It goes without saying; I had to get myself a cab, that way I would drive quietly, relive the night with Leo and his evil charm.

If ever there was a passion of my life, this would be the chap. I would never get married to him though, even if he proposed on a romantic candle-lit dinner in tight rugby shorts on a spacecraft, for the simple reason that we would kill each other in passions untold HA!

...or is that what I like to think?

To be continued.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

LEONARDO: Fortuitous Rendezvous I

Forgive me reader for I have sinned, I have hidden an important element from you for quite some time now and if I don’t confess, it will kill me. Why did I hide it? Because I thought it was special, but then again some special seeming things turn out to be fiendishly attractive, special complications.

Sooo Leonardo and I met… not once, not twice but thrice since the last time I talked about him. Before you rush me to the gallows, let me explain: we didn’t plan it, the universe did HA! You know me, I go with the flow, I don’t plan a thing, I hardly think with my head; my notorious heart decides and does on my behalf, I could be in bed one minute and my heart would be in Lokichogio falling in-love fast with a stranger.

No, Leonardo is not in Loki and the reason I haven’t updated my blog is not because I have been busy moving to Loki. But so what if I moved? Ok, ok I hear you, enough beating around the bush:

I bumped into the guy at Sherlock’s Den -Nanyuki Mall.

2. He has a girlfriend

3. We had a series of unusually stimulating gazes and there was a lot of unnecessary touching with our hands (ON the table where everyone could see them.)

4. There were a lot of laughs as the drinks kept coming.

5. We were TIPSY (Totally Inebriated Plus Seriously in Yen) albeit sufficiently sober to keep our lips off each other. Whether we were trying to fool the curious onlookers or we were genuinely fighting temptation is however unclear.

6. We were waiting for our guys to arrive; his girlfriend (funny he didn’t feel the need to brag about her) and my golfer/ photographer well-behaved friend and mentor who has wanted to chips-funga me since Red cross-Meru back in 2009.

7. We discussed motorbikes (as expected) and I was mortified for the lies I had told at our first meeting… Yep I confessed, why? Because I’m not a –good- liar and I thought this would be special, who isn’t attracted to an honest gorgeous lass. Did I mention we have trust issues? I am mentioning now, serious ones.

8. He gave me his number this time (and I had nothing to do with it-a block of TRUST built right there.)

9. He never called… or maybe he did, but it never went through because I don’t live in Loki and Loki has fickle signal. (This is what I like to think. Why? Because I sorta want to believe there is something here.)

10. I never called… but once, with a hidden ID (Lame!! I know) I wanted to wish him a Happy New Year, he didn’t pick, phewks!

Things stayed that way and I gave up on us, completely forgot the jamaa and even dated other people. Months later…

To be continued in Part II of this series.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

My clandestine Valentine

All I am saying at this stage is… there was a side-splitting play, lots of wine, a splendid sunset, floating away on a pond, great lighting, lots of small talk, a bit of walking, great art gallery with beautiful pieces to boot and right where I couldn't pronounce ‘silhouette’ was a straight out of the movie shut-up-and-kiss-me moment… whether it happened or not, is however irrelevant.

Now let’s jump to the after effects; I woke up the following morning to soundless music, the coffee mugs dancing on the shelves, pancakes swaying their hips on the pan and “um… um is my coffee SPEAKING to me?” Funny thing is, there was nothing telling in the silky morning air, but love was definitely laced on the sun rays piercing through the leaves of the enormous fig tree outside my kitchen window. As the warmth hit and spread throughout my face, I couldn’t ignore the images in the azure sky partially in hiding, images of a seraph thrilled by the sound of the Nyatiti playing “My moving home” in a dialect I couldn’t comprehend. The hilarity brought about by the costume-clad chaps under the bright lights of the stage tickled the Seraph much to my amusement and I never had such a lovely time watching a stranger laugh so hard, never.

This being is, easily the most fine-looking thing I have cast my eyes on in a long time, their laugh so gentle, stature so elegant, impeccable eloquence, exudes positive energy from every pore on their skin… incredibly erudite and did I mention that they look not a day older than 27 years but is as wise as a sage and as composed as a harp haha! (he is so beyond fine that I not only need the Englishmen to sit and create me an adjective for this person but also for Shakespeare to resurrect chap-chap for we have work to do!).

Unable to withstand the intensity and the blinding glow of the moment I turn away and smile with my heart albeit not furtive enough to cheat the woman in the kitchen busy brewing the coffee. Both the woman and the kettle are wearing a knowing smile, I can see their faces, the mischief, their asking lips twisted into a question that I am not ready to answer, no I will not dare say a word. For I have not the response. At this point, I take a swig of the dark fluid sitting motionless in my cup and resist the swallow if only to keep the secrets of the magic of the previous night from spilling.

Walking out hurriedly, index finger wagging behind me the woman in the kitchen is caught in a stutter “…I was just going to ask if you want some cream with that,” she lies out loud supporting her weight with the door frame. I can tell she is genuinely happy for me; she can’t thank heavens enough that I 'finally' healed the wounds of a disappointing and daunting past. She is holding back the excitement lest I slip back into the morbid habits of video games, slothfulness and suicidal imbibing. She blows me a warm kiss, full of a mother's affection , still I'm not telling.

The couch holds out its warm loving arms to receive my bony frame, he has been with me through the dark days of nursing a broken strange-muscle and I can tell he is over the moon that I didn’t walk in with a slab of cheese, a box of Kleenex and a bag of cheerios. The way he sinks back as my buttocks find a comfortable spot sounds more like a sigh of relief than anything else, I pat him gently and whisper, “It’s over buddy. The days of grief I mean.” I could swear I heard a muffled chuckle.

Ladies and gentlemen, I have got to stop right this minute before I jinx this any further and also because I need to pencil in lunch for coming weekend.

That would be all :-).